So I finally made it back to Big Lots on Friday, slinking in and surreptitiously introducing myself, confessing that I had purchased several items four days prior and proceeded to leave them here.
My heart pounded, and my face had turned red. I expected a fight. I expected them to grill me on WHAT EXACTLY did you leave, WHERE EXACTLY was it, WHAT EXACTLY did it look like, how many ounces was the Head-On migraine relief stick, how many tablets in the two Beano packages you supposedly purchased, WHY DIDN'T YOU COME BACK WITHIN 48 HOURS and DON'T YOU KNOW WE HAD TO RESTOCK THOSE ITEMS, AS THIS IS A RETAIL ESTABLISHMENT AND WE CAN'T LET MERCHANDISE JUST SIT THERE LIKE DUST ON RODIN'S THE THINKER? Well, huh, don't you?
I expected they would need my name, phone number, four forms of I.D. and my last iTunes gift card.
But they didn't. A harried but nice brown-eyed clerk took me over to a corner, where at least a dozen other morons like myself had walked out of Big Lots sans the items they had just paid good money for, leaving their bags in a pile like toys the first day after Christmas break, in the First Grade Show and Tell lineup.
It also gratified me that over 6,000 cell phones are turned in to Disney World every year, as are 210 pairs of sunglasses per day.
Ah, yes. Ditzery DOES love company. Always good to be among comrades!
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