Honey, I ate my brain.

The other day, I was eating lunch in typical ADD style, which I don't usually do but have been known to do from time to time. It involves eating in shifts, or attempting to multitask during mealtime (although not eating while multitasking). It goes something like this:

Eat, go do something, eat, go do something else, eat, go do another variety of something else.

Well, this time I get totally wrapped up in something when the microwave goes off, so I head to the kitchen. Once in the kitchen, my brain is trying to resume thinking about what I was doing, in an effort to tweak the idea, build on the idea, improve it and plan to do the next step in the idea's progression while finishing my lunch.

THE PROBLEM IS: I have no freaking idea what the hell just consumed me not one minute ago. I know I was REALLY WRAPPED UP in it. But what? What was I just doing? It involved words, that much I know. Reading something? Paying a bill? Researching something online? Working on a chapter? Working on a story? Working on this blog? What?

Bottom line is it's not what I was doing that got interrupted that bothers me -- it's the fact that I've completely blanked it out. I even check my inbox to see if I just sent a message or had a pertinent website up. Nothing that I can see. It takes me about 10 minutes, but I finally remember I was composing my brilliant ideas for my dad's 70th birthday party into an email to a party co-conspirator.

What the hell? Is this early dementia? Too much caramel cream Coffeemate clogging the arteries to my brain? Brain cells dying off due to lack of oxygen and blood? Medications? It freaked me out when it happened -- but it hasn't happened since, and I'm telling myself it was just a byproduct of trying to do too many things at once and not being "mindful."

Before the day even got started

So this morning at the crack of chicken, my friend Jeanne and I traveled two hours south to pick up a Shih Tzu from a rescue. Jeanne adopted the lil cutie today. A little lover.

But here's how the day starts for an ADHDer:

1. Night before: Use clever scheduling technique of "working backward" to determine how long it will take to get self ready and drag sorry carcass out of house. Decide ideal time is 60 minutes.
2. Night before: Set alarm for two hours ahead of departure time, to give at least one hour for caffeine to get in bloodstream.
3. Day of: Sleep through half-hour of alarm going off.
4. Leave 25 minutes later than scheduled, which is 10 minutes after am supposed to be across town at Jeanne's house.
5. Call Jeanne en route to tell her am en route.
6. Watch for special landmark at which to take a left-turn into Jeanne's subdivision.
7. Vaguely register that special landmark has passed six blocks ago.
8. Turn left abruptly, pull over and call Jeanne to tell her I overshot her turnoff.
9. Meanwhile, car kills and will not start. Panic ensues and Mea's brain leaves the building, a la Elvis.
10. Realize forgot to charge phone and it's about to die. Panic further about how to leave car at side of road and how to call AAA sans phone. Tell Jeanne to leave sans me, as she needs to be two hours away in less than two hours.
11. Manage to start car miraculously, but it's too late -- I have forgotten how to drive and where I am. Have no idea how to get to Jeanne's even though I've known her for five years. Stay on dying phone with Jeanne as she directs me.
12. Find Jeanne's house, HURRAH!
13. Pull over to park on street. 
14. Realize 3/4 thermal coffee pot has tipped over on car floor, soaking backpack and library book.
15. Leave key in ignition, windows open and car unlocked.
16. Drag self, dripping backpack, overstuffed purse, butt-pillow, coat from my grunge-mobile into her immaculate shrine on wheels. Leave mostly empty coffee pot in car, out of concern for Jeanne's car. 
17. Worry that coffee-soaked backpack is staining her mint-condition leather upholstery. 
18. Turn off near-dead phone to save battery; proceed to drop between Jeanne's front seat and her center console. Search, grope, feel around for phone, to no avail; realize phone is off so calling it from Jeanne's phone would not help in locating it.
19. Try to be attentive and listen to Jeanne's detailed explanation of the dog's history; fail with flying colors.
20. Repeatedly ask her the same four questions about dog's history because brain is so occupied beating self up over Numbers 3-14 that nothing is getting through.
21. Realize must take ADHD med today, as am completely non-functional and a danger to self and others.
22. Crave coffee. Wonder if sucking on backpack will caffeinate brain.
23. Slam two Diet Mountain Dews to wake brain up. 
24. Cross legs to point of near bladder explosion for next two hours because, due to own lateness and disorganization, am too sheepish and embarrassed to ask Jeanne to make potty stop.
25. Drink 2/3 bottle of water anyway because ADHD med causes massive drymouth.
26. We arrive ahead of the other party we are meeting. Limp out of car at parking lot of designated dog-meeting spot, hobble cross-legged inside building to use bathroom. Practically hallucinate with urinary relief. Make up new word for hallucinating with urinary relief: Urinucinate.
27. Walk out of building without purse. 

.

Nike says 'Just Do It.' Mea says 'Just Screw It.'

What I mean is just ditch the perfectionism, because it's crippling. Most people think I'm a laid-back slacker-type, but the reality is that I'm only a Type C or D because I'm so terrified of failing at being a Type A that I don't even try to do anything right.

My new 'tude is "Doing something is better than doing nothing and regretting not getting anything done."

I AM NOT DEAD

Greetings from the Land of the Displaced and Disarrayed! I'm still out here, misplacing items, losing belongings, itemizing lost belongings, not missing things missing but not itemized, losing my mind, losing my place and generally making chaos out of peace and order.

I stopped blogging a bunch of months ago for a bunch of reasons, none of which are remotely valid. Basically, the little nagging voices in my head said:

 - This doesn't matter.
 - Nobody gives a toot.
 - Your back hurts too much to spend another minute at the computer.
 - You have crap to do, people to piss off and messes to make.
 - If you have a spare moment, you should spend it on GETTING ORGANIZED and not yapping on and on about how disorganized you are.
 - Your blogs, written and yet to be written, aren't perfect; don't do anything unless it's perfect, (so therefore,  I don't do anything).
 - Yada yada yada.

I decided to just say "Bite Me" to the negative nay-saying nitwits.

And just write.

So there.